(W)rite every day

Created 1 April 2023, found in my notes app today and posted unedited.

I am a writer.
I have a blog.
Saying these words always makes me feel like a fraud.
Since inevitably, it’s been months since I’ve written, at least in my own opinion, anything of worth.
Almost always, at least 6-9 months since I’ve published a blog post.
And yet, uttering those words, reclaiming it as part of my identity opens up creativity.
Sometimes a floodgate.
Other times a trickle.
And then I commit to a goal.
Start a new challenge.
Invigorated to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard.
Today, I signed up for Camp NaNoWriMo.
Tomorrow I might not write a single word.
I’ve called the project (W)rite every day.
A word count goal of 10,000.
The intent to show up and write every day.
Morning pages so to speak.
A few words jotted down on my mobile document app.
In the fervent hope that something amazing will birth itself from this process.
That the many ideas swirling in my head will make its way into the light of day.
Dragging me out of this darkness that’s enveloped me recently.
Gently guide me out of the grief maze I stumbled into earlier this week.
Or was I in it all along and only became aware of the numbness when I could feel the return of emotion.
Breathing deeply.
Trying to stay grounded.
Scared this is but a temporary reprieve.
Rather than a permanent refuge.
That I will always be adrift in a tumultuous ocean.
At the whim and mercy of my emotions.
Unable to stay anchored in truth and grace.