Emjay's Musings

For a long time I thought that being physically active is the only indicator of living life well. That I had to belong to a gym and make healthy food choices every day. If I wasn’t doing these things, then it meant I’m failing at life.

Added to this I work with some very active and healthy people. They run and cycle. Play various sports. Eat healthy. Do triathlons. Go for hikes. Climb mountains.

I would compare myself to them and always fall short, because those things are just not my strength. Or really even something I enjoy.

Earlier this week we were having a conversation about weekend plans. Someone mentioned running a race. In the past I would have felt “bad” and justified why I don’t really participate in these type of activities. Not that day. Nope. I told them my plans were to read a book.

I jokingly compared my reading to more active hobbies during the conversation.

Friend: “Where do you find time to read?”

Me: “Where do you find time to run? I read on the train, late at night. I find time.”

Friend: “I run in the mornings before work or after work. I wish I could read more. I just don’t have the time.”

Me: “We make time for things that matter to us. Everyone has different strengths.”

Later in the conversation…

Me: “Don’t judge me because I read. I don’t judge you because you run.”

Throughout the week I have been reflecting on this conversation. What stood out for me most was my feelings during and after.

I did not feel bad that I didn’t have weekend plans involving hikes and obstacle courses. I felt empowered when I was honest about who I am.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no couch potato. I’ve done the Lion’s Head climb three times since last year November.

But I also enjoy relaxing with a good book.

I’m realizing that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. As long as I am happy with who I am, that’s all that matters.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Dr Seuss

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2017/09/16/be-who-you-are/

I am overwhelmed trying to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee…trying to be the perfect everything for everyone.

Some days I just want to take a break and run away screaming from it all. I just want to tell the world “Shhh!! Please leave me alone for a while.”

Those are the days, where I feel like this poem by Nayyira Waheed.

All the women.

In me.

Are tired.

But I know that I need my crazy world as much as it needs me. So I stick it out and try to remember that there are so many blessings in my life.

I remind myself that I’ve survived every “bad” day I’ve ever had.

And in the iconic words of Chaka Khan…

I’m every woman

It’s all in me

Anything you want done, baby,

I do it naturally

I am who I decide to be and I define myself. I am not defined by other people’s standards and expectations.

I am truly, madly and deeply me!

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2017/08/11/i-am/

This morning I’m standing on top of Lion’s Head, having just completed my third climb to the top.

I didn’t even have climbing Lion’s Head as one of my goals a year ago.

So much has changed in the last 365 days.

This year has taught me that nothing is guaranteed. Time. Money. Love. Life. These things all have an expiry date.

The biggest lesson? Less is always more!

When I have less priorities, I can spend my time better.

When I have less wants, I can meet my needs better.

When I have less expectations, I can be more accepting.

When I have less commitments, I can spend more time with my loved ones.

Here’s to a year filled with more memories, happiness and gratitude.

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2017/03/25/a-year-from-now/

It was a cold morning, with rain lightly falling as we made our way towards Lion’s Head in early November 2016.

By the end of the day I stood victoriously at the top. Basking in sunlight and looking out at a majestic view.

Beginning and end of the story.

Isn’t that how we want to experience life? No struggle and difficult climb to reach our goals, just a smooth beginning that transitions to a blissful ending.

Well, most of us know that life is not that easy or uncomplicated. There is an in-between that happens, where many of us fight difficult battles.

Climbing to the top of Lion’s Head was quite an experience. Something I did not think I would ever be able to achieve. As I was doing the climb I had a few moments where I felt like stopping and not continuing. Reaching the top made all the struggles worthwhile.

The lessons I learnt during the climb are ones I can take with me into this new year.

1. Just take the first step and it will lead to the next one, and the next one. If you don’t start, you will get nowhere.
2. Honor your promises. Two weeks before the climb, I casually mentioned that I wanted to do a hike with my friend. We decided on Lion’s Head, setting a date and time. I thought about cancelling a few times, but did not want to let my friend down. I could have stayed home that day, but would have missed out on an amazing experience.
3. Find a mentor. My friend had done the hike before so she was able to give me some good tips before and during the climb. She encouraged me every step of the way. I definitely would not have been able to do it on my own.
4. Be prepared. We agreed what snacks to take with and had more than enough water. I also made sure to dress comfortably.
5. Have fun. We laughed a lot during the hike. I was very vocal about how much I was not enjoying the experience, which made for some very interesting conversations. At one point my friend was trying to encourage me, pointing out the distance from where we’d come. Telling me to look at where the car was parked. My response, “I don’t want to see the stupid car. Its not going to help me get up the mountain.”
6. Encourage and support others. On the way back down we walked past a group of ladies that were about to stop climbing. They had reached a point where they just could not see themselves continuing. I boldly proclaimed that I had just successfully completed the climb and that it was my first time. This seemed to give them a boost of confidence that they could also finish. We also walked past a group of people that still had quite a stretch to go before reaching the top. Noticing that their water bottle was empty, we offered them our remaining unopened water.
7. Celebrate your success. When I reached the top my friend presented me with a medal. Totally unexpected, but so rewarding. I now have something tangible to look at and remember my achievement.

Here’s to climbing many more mountains, while remembering…”It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves. Sir Edmund Hillary”
Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2017/01/11/conquering-mountains/

Author: Unknown*

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn’t mean possession
and company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.

After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn… with every goodbye you learn.

*I would like to attribute it to the right author, but there’s so much speculation around the true author. So I am citing the author as “Unknown“.

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2016/12/18/comes-the-dawn/

We spend so much time chasing goals and dreams, that we often lose sight of all the great things we already have in our lives.

For today, I challenge you to just be present in the moment. To enjoy it for what it is. Not spending time stressing about the past or worrying about the future.

I find that I am truly content when I am focused on the here and now. There are days when this positive mindset eludes me and I easily wallow in self pity. For a long time I would get so stuck there. In that place where I was this horrible person that deserves only the negative things in life.

Don’t get me wrong. I know I’m not perfect and that I make mistakes, but for so long I believed I was worthy of no love or happiness. Stressing about past events that I would never be able to change. Worried about the future, even though I have no idea what will happen from one second to the next.

My goal for today is to be fully present in each moment.

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2016/09/22/just-be/

I just found a poem I wrote on 18.01.03

Looking at the date now, I’m realising this was around the time I started university. Leaving my hometown for the big city. Guess I was trying to give myself a little encouragement.

So much has changed in my life since then, but this advice from my younger self is still so relevant.

Untitled

You’re embarking on a journey

What the future holds,

is a vast ocean of possibilities.

Sure there’ll be ups and downs

Probably more downs than ups.

Do me a favour:

Stop focusing on the negative,

even when you’re down and out.

Be like a phoenix,

Whatever happens…rise from the ashes.

Be like a wind,

blow your troubles and cares away.

Be like a rock,

dependable and reliable.

Be like a river,

flowing never-endingly to the sea.

Be a friend,

never too busy to listen.

Be you,

never be someone you’re not.

The road you’re on may seem unfamiliar.

But you’ve been down it before

the only difference…that was during the day

Now it’s night.

Everything seems different, but

it’s all the same.

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2016/09/10/blast-from-the-past/

I am exhausted. My baby is 4 months, 1 week and 3 days old. He sleeps all day and “plays” all night. This has been my life since he was born. I can not even remember the last time I had a decent night’s sleep.

Things have actually improved as there was a time during his first two months where the playtime at night consisted mostly of screaming and screaming and more screaming. Now after sleeping from 3am until 11am, waking for a feed and sleeping again until 1pm for another feed. Followed by, you guessed it, more sleeping. Which roughly totals 10 hours sleep!! He will be awake from 3pm or 4pm. There might be a short nap until 6pm or 7pm. After that he’s awake until the next morning.

You might be wondering why I am writing about this. Well, recently a pregnant friend told me I did not adequately prepare her for the last trimester. Ha!! That’s my response to her and anyone that is expecting a baby or those with newborns.

Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing prepares you for pregnancy, labour and motherhood. Not even having gone through the process already. My eldest is 8 years old, but even that comes with its own set of expectations and experiences.

I mean here I expected him to sleep a few more hours, but I can hear him cooing from the room already. Not even the day before prepares you for today.

My best advice…enjoy every moment! Let go of your expectations of how things should be.

On the days I manage to follow this advice, I reach the end of the day a little saner and my family has experienced a better side of me.

I try to remember – through every diaper change, feeding and hour I’m not sleeping – that time is fleeting. That this too shall pass and that soon I am not going to be with him every second of every day. That I only have 61 days, 17 hours, 10 minutes and a few seconds left where it will just be the two of us.

Soon he will go to daycare and I will go back to work. Soon I will change my last diaper, give the last feed and we will start sleeping through. For some of these it might be days and for others months or even years before it is the last time, but eventually it will be the last time.

So for now, I am going to go change his diaper and feed him. Enjoying every sweet second with him, because I simply don’t know when it will be the last time we experience each of those moments.

I recently found this poem online and it perfectly describes this time of my life.

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2016/08/02/the-last-time/

You are loved. You are beyond compare. You don’t have to try so hard.

These are daily encouragements from “If We Could Have Coffee… (Ebook Shorts): 30 Days of Heart-to-Heart Encouragement” by Holley Gerth.

I am on Day 3 and will be reading one encouragement daily for the rest of the month. I am also posting daily on Facebook.

I find it difficult to believe these statements as truths about myself. When I posted the first one, I was overwhelmed by the response from my family and friends. It is easier for me to believe the negative committee in my head, than to trust that I am a loveable person.

I am looking forward to the other daily encouragements. I feel as if I am moving towards a more healthy, positive relationship with myself as I read these. A relationship filled with self love…

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” ~Kim McMillen

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2016/06/04/self-love/

For a few years now I have been trying to maximize my mornings. Since my research (also known as Google search) has suggested that to be successful you need to rise early and plan your day. One of the tools I use is the Hello Mornings Challenge (HMC). This is a 6 week challenge, head over to the site to check it out.

We are studying 1 Corinthians 13 at the moment and today we had to review ourselves in relation to verses 4-7.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This morning I have not been feeling patient or kind. I have definitely been leaning towards the do not side of the list.

My usual morning routine consists of getting my 7 year old daughter ready for school and then doing my Hello Mornings reading. Getting ready for school involves packing her lunch and I realize that my morning routine will go smoother if I prepped a bit more the night before. However, that is still a work in progress and probably the topic of a future post.

My lack of patience and kindness was highlighted by my reaction to an unplanned activity. I received an email from the agency I am using to submit my UIF (unemployment insurance fund) claims while I am on maternity leave. The feedback was that I had not completed certain forms correctly. Instead of leaving the email until later I read it and immediately started formulating a mental response.

So after seeing my daughter off to school, I started typing a response to the agency. Deciding to rather save it as a draft and cool off a bit, I got out my HMC tools and did this morning’s reading.

Here is what I realized, it is easier to be rude and get angry than it is to be patient and kind. However, I also realize that the person I am most angry at is myself. I was upset because I felt incompetent, even though the agency did not give clear instructions on how to complete the forms. So I am going to respond to the email with patience and kindness, also making some suggestions on how they can improve their service.

Originally posted on: https://marjohdaames.wordpress.com/2016/03/19/love-is/