Tag: writing

Musings

My favourite things

Emjay's Musings

What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

It’s day 1 of my new writing habit, where I choose a prompt and then write about it. This morning’s one “my favourite things” and already my brain went – oh no, I wish it was a different prompt.

Yesterday I updated my WordPress app and one new thing I’ve noticed is a daily prompt feature – today’s one being “what does it mean to be a kid at heart?”

Which feels better to write about then the actual prompt I have to.

Or maybe it’s because I’ve been awake for more than an hour and it’s not even 5:30am yet. During this time I finished a short story I started reading last night. Finished today’s devotional for my current reading plan on the Bible App – Anxiety at work. Scrolled social media. Wrote down my verse for the day. Made payments on my banking app. And made some coffee.

No wonder I’m exhausted.

And uninspired.

I spend my days adulting when all I’m yearning for is to create something. Finish a puzzle I started months ago. Build the final two furniture pieces from miniature study (birthday gift I received in August).

But alas, I have bills to pay and adulting things to do. Deadlines to achieve. Meetings to attend. And emails to send. So many emails to send.

I guess my favourite things are overthinking and worrying about things, rather than taking action. Still getting it all done but experiencing a lot of anxiety and fear along the way.

And being a kid at heart means doing things that bring me joy. Which there are many moments of in my life. Sometimes I get caught up in the shoulds. All the things I believe are essential and forget to savour the moments that are also important.

Listening to music with my kids. Dancing around the living room. Having dessert first. Taking a break and resting.

One of my favourite things is music.

Listening to old familiars and discovering new artists or versions of songs.

So for today I’ll also add a link to a song that played yesterday and I wanted to listen to this morning.

Today is new day. May we remember that all these ordinary days and moments add up to an extraordinary life.

Musings

Writing Habits

Emjay's Musings

Tomorrow is 1 November.

The start of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). An annual writing challenge, inviting writers to commit to writing a 50,000 word novel.

I’ve participated before and am planning to do it again this year.

And yet, the little voice inside is already reminding me of all the challenges I’ve started and not finished. All the other important things on my to-do list. Urging me to quit while I’m ahead.

I get that it’s a form of self-protection but I’m ready to move forward. To take intentional steps in the direction of my dreams. To declare boldly, I’m a writer.

This afternoon I had a catch up with one of my writing buddies. I’d upfronted this morning that my brain was filled with worry and stress about work. And rather than cancel (which would have been my knee jerk response), we actually ended up connecting earlier than scheduled.

We’d planned to have this chat at the end of October and agree our approach for November. I really needed the safe space to process and talk through things. To speak to someone who can be a sounding board when my inner committee is loud and drowning out my hype squad.

A few days ago I started reading a new novel and the main character is an author. My brain started thinking maybe I could use the one technique she used to write a story. And I started thinking that maybe I should commit to the 50,000 word goal. When I’ve barely written anything this entire year.

During the chat this afternoon my friend reminded me that I was going to use November to get more consistent with my writing habit for my blog. I’d completely forgot that this was my initial plan.

She suggested that I create a calender with a different prompt for each day, and knowing that I’m an overthinker. She also suggested I set a timer for 20 minutes to complete the activity. I’d then free write whatever comes to mind for that specific day/prompt during the next 30 days. This idea sounded so good and I immediately felt like it could work for me.

I’d logged off for the work day already and commented that it might be best if I write it down in a notebook. Rather than get distracted by any notifications on my laptop.

After our call I write down numbers 1-30 and it was much more difficult than I thought it would be. By number 16 I was ready to stop, but eventually got all of them done. And then I reflected on how writing/drawing challenges with prompts usually start out well. But there’s always one that I overthink or worry about – inevitably procrastinating which then leads to skipped days and a rush at the end to catch up.

So I tweaked it slightly, writing all the prompts down on pieces of paper. Throwing them into an empty jar. The revised idea being that I’ll pick a slip of paper each day and write about whatever is on the prompt. Right now I don’t know if I’ll post every day. Let’s see how it goes.

Here’s to a new month and creating new writing habits.

Uncategorized

Unbecoming

Emjay's Musings

I take me with me
Wherever I go
So I could say that
I’m surrounded by the
same sights and sounds from home

But actually the eyes I look through and the ears I use haven’t changed

So the sounds aren’t familiar because all places are the same

The sights aren’t similar because all trees and birds are the same

No, I see, hear and feel the same
So the experiences feel the same.

And with the questions I feel like I already know the answers
Because I’ve been asking these same questions for years.

I think the difference for me now, is the fact that I have the courage to start answering them.

To start believing in my own beauty, light and happiness.
Without running away from the scars, darkness and pain.

And that’s probably the biggest question of all.

Can I sit with myself and embrace both sides of me?

There’s a soft whisper getting louder every day.
Yes, you can.
Because that’s what you are already doing.

You accept yourself
when you show up to the blank page and fill it with ink.
when you speak your truth even when your voice is shaking.
when you trust you know the way even if doubt is urging you to make a u-turn.

You aren’t discovering yourself,
you are rediscovering.
You aren’t becoming
a new you,
you are unbecoming
the old you.

Letting go
of all the things that kept you small.

In rediscovering and unbecoming I’m finally embracing all parts of me.